What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
