well I can't set my house on fire every night
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
