ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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