she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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