You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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