im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
