I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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