in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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