is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just blew my weed a kiss
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
