I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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