I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
