i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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