Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she peed on how many people?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
