oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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