there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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