Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
pray to the hookup gods
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
