a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dick very happy bro
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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