I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
