I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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