You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
should my penis look like a turkey
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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