Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
