I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
