...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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