I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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