yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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