Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
