yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
