Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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