he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
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He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
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low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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