ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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