SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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