I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
