And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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