"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
