Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Green mimosas i think yes
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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