you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
