OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
