when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
