so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Ketchup is God's man juice
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
