but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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