Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
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I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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