i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
