so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
