i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
