OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
