the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
