Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
