I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
