i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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