Plan B is the new Plan A
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
