She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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