I smell stomach acid.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
