my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
