I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
