I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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