And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
