It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
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you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
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My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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