Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just want nice things and good sex
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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