So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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