All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
