i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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