just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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