:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
