My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
