i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
